I don’t think there’s any restrictions after the surgery. I mean, there aren’t any restrictions after people have sex, and it’s practically the same thing. But, I just want someone there for support.
That’s true. Well, count me in. I’ll be the best support a girl can have in the history of support.
I feel like you’re judging a little, but thank you anyway, Jake. And yeah, it has to be a girl because I want a daughter so, yeah. Haha. I’ll really be happy with whatever I have though. You’re gonna be the best uncle though. Uncle Jake is gonna be the best, most badass uncle around. Just wait.
And yeah, I have everything planned out already. I’m getting it done this Saturday. Will you come with me?
Nah, just trying to understand, I guess. Maybe they have technology to tell which gender the sperm would be. But who knows. I’m sure you’ll get a girl, though. Or a awesome boy who’ll have the most awesome uncle ever. And you don’t gotta tell me twice, Cedes. I know that I’ll be super awesome.
Sure! I don’t think I’ve got anything going on, so yeah. I’ll just go ahead and pick you up, alright? I don’t know if they’re gonna say you can’t drive after it’s done or whatever.
Weird? Why do you think it’s weird? And I’m pretty sure that you could take care of a baby better than a hamster. Just wait until my daughter gets here, and before you ask, I know it’s gonna be a girl. But anyway, Uncle Jake will be the best uncle ever.
And besides I wouldn’t want to know much about him. Would I like to say thank you? Of course, but I don’t want the guy to just come in randomly and be able to have contact with us.
I dunno, just because most girls decide to do this if they find out they can’t have babies, not just because they’re tired of waiting, but I’m supporting you no matter the reason, Mercedes. You know it’s gonna be a girl? Have you even had an appointment to get it all implanted or whatever? I better be the best uncle.
That’d be kinda weird if he was able to just call you up and see how the kid’s doing. Who knows, though? Maybe the guy doesn’t even remember donating or he could’ve done it while he was drunk. You don’t need that guy, anyway. We all know you’ll do a great job even if you’re a single mom. That baby’s gonna have the best mom ever.
Wow, a whole hour? You should call up the NBA and tell them you’re ready. But for real, thanks for supporting me in this. I told one of my other friends and got judged so hard.
And you say that now, but I bet if you had kids of your own, you’d be good at it. Just don’t count it out, okay?
And no. I don’t get any personal information about him. Just the basics. I guess out of safety for the guy? So I won’t beat down his door in nine months demanding child support or something. I don’t know. But I’m excited. I’m setting everything up for next week, so now I’m just waiting.
Right? If I kept up with basketball in high school, I’d totally be just like Lebron James. It’s no problem, really. I mean, it’s kinda weird if you ask me, but I’m not gonna judge you for it.
Eh, I’m not sure. I could barely take care of the hamster I had when I was little. There’s no way I’d be able to take care of a kid.
Ahh, I guess that makes sense. Plus they probably make you sign a contract to keep you from doing that anyway. It’s kinda cool they do that, though. Like, the whole anonymous sperm donor thing and not knowing too much about the guy who’s gonna help make the baby.
Yeah, those were just a whole lot of words for old, Jake. If I have a child at forty, I’m gonna be too old to do anything with them when they’re a teenager. I just feel like I need to do this now..
Haha, I think I got you good on that one. But we’d have cute babies, you gotta admit. Anyway, they couldn’t tell me much. I just know that he’s mixed, black and white, and Jewish; and that his hobbies include dancing. He also sings sometimes and he’s around my age.
I’m very youthful, actually. I had a day to myself last week and spent it at the park playing basketball and didn’t get tired for a whole hour, thank you very much. But fine, if that’s what you wanna do, then go for it. I’ll be here for you the whole time.
..I think you did.. And I guess so. I mean, if they’ve got your voice and good looks and my sense of humor, they’d be pretty awesome kids. I just don’t think I’d be able to handle kids right now. Or anytime, really. I’d probably be a shitty dad anyway. Wow, that’s all? You don’t get to know his name or anything like a phone number? He sounds pretty awesome if you ask me.
Yeah, look at you. You’re old. And I get it, guys don’t really worry about children, but I feel like my clock is ticking. And I was planning on asking you for a donation, but seeing as you don’t want kids…
No, I’m kidding. There’s a bank downtown. I went by and checked it out and I found the perfect guy.
I’m not old. Thirty is old. I won’t be thirty for, like, eight months. You’ve got a lot of time, Cedes, trust me. A lot of people wait until they’re over thirty -even sometimes until they’re over forty- to have kids, but it’s that’s what you wanna do now, then I guess I can’t really stop you. Wait— What?
Oh, thank god. I bet there’s plenty of awesome guys’ sperm down there, so I’m glad you’ve found one you like. What all did they tell you about him?
Because I’m getting old. I mean, I’m 28 now. I’ve been waiting for a good man and obviously I can’t find one so I’m taking things into my own hands.
You’re not that old. Look at me. I’m 29 and not even close to thinking about kids yet. I don’t even know if I’ll ever want ‘em. But if you really want to do this, then I’ll be here for you. You gonna find a sperm donor or are you gonna look around town for a good-looking guy and get his little donation?
No. I’m not that random, Jake. I’m going to get artificially inseminated.
I know, I know. But that makes more sense. What made you decide to go along with this?