mamacedesjones:

Yeah, look at you. You’re old. And I get it, guys don’t really worry about children, but I feel like my clock is ticking. And I was planning on asking you for a donation, but seeing as you don’t want kids…

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No, I’m kidding. There’s a bank downtown. I went by and checked it out and I found the perfect guy.

I’m not old. Thirty is old. I won’t be thirty for, like, eight months. You’ve got a lot of time, Cedes, trust me. A lot of people wait until they’re over thirty -even sometimes until they’re over forty- to have kids, but it’s that’s what you wanna do now, then I guess I can’t really stop you. Wait— What?

Oh, thank god. I bet there’s plenty of awesome guys’ sperm down there, so I’m glad you’ve found one you like. What all did they tell you about him?

mamacedesjones:

Because I’m getting old. I mean, I’m 28 now. I’ve been waiting for a good man and obviously I can’t find one so I’m taking things into my own hands.image

You’re not that old. Look at me. I’m 29 and not even close to thinking about kids yet. I don’t even know if I’ll ever want ‘em. But if you really want to do this, then I’ll be here for you. You gonna find a sperm donor or are you gonna look around town for a good-looking guy and get his little donation?

#dash

mamacedesjones:

No. I’m not that random, Jake. I’m going to get artificially inseminated.

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I know, I know. But that makes more sense. What made you decide to go along with this?

#dash

mamacedesjones:

So, I’ve finally decided. I’m having a baby.

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You hooked up with someone and didn’t tell me?

#dash